Blog – Reflecting on My Experience of Probation

Lilly Lewis, Women’s Involvement Advisor, One Small Thing

In the next of her series of blogs, our Women’s Involvement Advisor Lilly Lewis shares her experience of being on probation. Lilly reflects on having just finished her license, and explains why change is needed if we want to see prison leavers thrive and succeed.

 Arrested in 2014 for a crime committed in 2011, I was sentenced to prison in February 2016 and spent almost four years inside. Whilst in custody I had started working with probation, and once I was given release on temporary license (ROTL) I would leave HMP Askham Grange and travel to meet my Probation Officers on the outside. I was going to have to report to probation until August 2022, but even this early on I wasn’t sure what probation could offer me.

When I was initially released from prison, I saw probation weekly. The purpose of these check ins was for a chat about what I had been doing and how I was getting on, and if I needed any support, which I didn't at that time.  Just a couple of months after I came out of prison, the country was put into lockdown because of the covid pandemic. Probation for me then became monthly phone calls and although I coped really well with lockdown as I was used to being on my own and confined to a small space, what I struggled with was going out. I became frightened of people and going outside after four years of being in prison. I was scared to leave the house, and started EDMR therapy online.

About a year after release, once lockdown had eased and I was feeling stronger, I moved to be nearer my children. I started the process to have my children home with me more and get overnight unsupervised contact. This meant probation would now also be liaising with social services. This made me feel like I was being doubly monitored and I didn't have a lot of trust in either of them. This was a really stressful time for me, when I was already struggling with being released from prison after such a long time. 

During this time, my experience with the Probation Service felt very different than it had before – more authoritarian. My Probation Officer wanted me in my house between 11.00pm and 6:00am and would regularly remind me that I was on probation. I started to feel very closed off and completely untrusting. These rules impacted my ability to work as I was sometimes expected to travel, however probation were not happy about this.

It also became really difficult for me to move in with my partner, so you can imagine my relief when I was given a new Probation Officer and was able to move. The inflexibility of the Probation Service could have lost me my job or made it very difficult to keep it.

The Probation Officer I am working with now has brought nothing but positivity since day one. She made the effort to come visit me at the new address where I live with my partner. She put me completely at ease and told me she would be working with me and acknowledged all the good work I had done so far. When I met my new Probation Officer, I breathed a sigh of relief and I knew that my last 12 months on probation would be fine. With her I felt I could open up and be honest with her. I was able to talk about all my fears about moving in with my partner, and my nervousness and concerns having overnight contact with my daughter. She would always listen and support me to make positive choices for myself. This past year has been nothing but positive, and I miss our meetings now that my license has ended.

I have had both positive and negative experiences of the Probation Service, however it’s clear that there are changes that could be made to better support people to succeed after prison. The Probation Service needs to work in a trauma informed way, understanding how trauma might be affecting the women they are working with, and what support they need. 

There also needs to be more flexibility. Once released from prison you go through a multitude of emotions. I remember my day of release sitting outside HMP Askham Grange waiting for the bus. I was crying – I felt relief, fear, excitement. I felt so many different emotions, and knowing I had to get to probation that very same day of being released was just an added pressure. Leaving prison is a huge transition and on the day of release you have so many pressing things you need to sort out. It would be much better if there could be some flexibility around visiting probation on this day, so we aren’t setting people up to fail from the moment they are released. 

For women to be able to see their time on probation as an opportunity to get the support they need, and rebuild for their future, the Probation Service needs to offer more education opportunities and courses for women. When I would visit my Probation Officer, the leaflets around the office felt targeted towards men and the types of professions men were encouraged to train for. There is of course no reason that women could not do these kinds of jobs, however it felt like there was less of a focus on education and training that was tailored specifically for women. I would have liked to have been given more information about the types of training I could pursue. 

My advice for other women who are on probation is to take this time to reach out for all the help and support that you can get. Ask to be referred to different agencies if you need support around budgeting or managing your tenancy.  If you are working with social services, ask for joint meetings so you’re not repeating yourself over and over to different people. Be honest with probation and tell them you want to work with them. I know it can feel that probation is working against you, but my experience is that most working in the Probation Service want the best for you and want you to succeed. If you can, try and see working with probation as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

 For me, coming to the end of probation does not feel as big as I thought it would. Having gone through that period during my probation where I felt over managed, the end didn’t feel like I was really on probation at all. The biggest thing for me was not being able to travel. I had travelled a lot prior to prison and had lived in Spain for eight years. I missed seeing other parts of the world which I had previously taken for granted. However, as of the 26th August my licence has ended, and I took the opportunity to go on holiday abroad with my partner. I intend to travel as often as I can to see more of the world.

 I will never take freedom and choice for granted. I will continue to empower and be empowered. I will never shy away from the fact that I have been in prison. I will use my lived experience to make change for all women.

Written by: Lilly Lewis, Women’s Involvement Advisor at One Small Thing