Blog - Young People’s Experiences of Having a Mum in Prison
Lilly Lewis, Women’s Involvement Advisor, One Small Thing
In the next of her series of blogs, our Women’s Involvement Advisor Lilly Lewis reflects on International Youth Day. She speaks with her daughter on what it was like for her having a Mum in prison, and what advice she has for other young people in this situation. Lilly further highlights what needs to change to better support young people with a parent in the justice system.
To mark International Youth Day, I spoke to my Daughter Tiff, to understand more about the experiences of young people with a parent in the justice system, and why it’s important they are included in the decisions that are made about them.
When speaking with my own children, they felt that they were being kept in the dark when I went to prison. My two youngest children were told that I was ‘ill’. This is what they thought until I was released from prison. Tiff, my youngest daughter, found this lie particularly distressing.
Tiff’s experience:
When Mum went to prison no one told me anything. There was no communication at all between professionals and me. After about two years I asked why I was in care and I was told that my Mum was unwell, and that was why she wasn’t with us. During that time, me and my siblings were never even asked if we wanted to see Mum. When my brother asked our foster carer if we could go, he was told that it wasn’t appropriate.
Although we were young and we didn’t know what had really happened to our Mum, we wanted to see her, but that decision was taken from us. At the time, because we were in the care system we had no communication from the prison so it was hard to know what was really going on. I think that even if Mum was in prison now, we still wouldn’t be allowed to see her even though we are older.
Young people with parents in the criminal justice system need to be included in the decisions that are made about them. Having a parent in prison has a huge impact on your life, and so it’s important for young people to have their voices heard.
To young people with a Mum in prison I would say, don’t let others suppress your voice as you’ll need to fight for your right to see your Mum. I wish I had been supported to do this.
What needs to change?
Prisons need to offer more support for young people with a Mum in prison. One way they could do this is by better use of childcare resettlement license. This would enable women to spend more time at home even if they were not the primary carers before prison (this is currently a stipulation for childcare resettlement). This could help Mums to strengthen relationships and regain family ties that may have been broken.
There also needs to be more financial support for young people with Mums in prison. One of my daughters was unable to go into further education due to living independently from 16, and having to work in a warehouse to pay her bills. She was placed in a flat in an area that was not safe, and I would sometimes go to bed worrying about whether she got home okay, and whether she had everything she needed.
I would have liked to be included in all care meetings about my children, even if over zoom/skype, and to be consulted around visits from them. I was told that they didn't want to see me, but having spoken to them I know this was not their choice.
It is so important for young people with parents in the criminal justice system to be included in decision making. These young people will be going through their own trauma, and it is vital that they are worked with in a trauma informed way. Agencies and professionals working with young people with a parent in prison need to build trust, and let them know what choices they can make so they can have more confidence in what is happening in their own lives whilst Mum is in prison.
Written by: Lilly Lewis, Women’s Involvement Advisor at One Small Thing