Blog - Mother's Day in the Justice System
Lilly Lewis, Women’s Involvement Advisor, One Small Thing
In the next of her series of blogs, our Women’s Involvement Advisor Lilly Lewis explains the challenges of Mother’s Day for many women in the Justice System and why more support should be available.
Mother's Day is probably one of the hardest days a woman in prison can face, not just for the mothers but also for the women who are separated from their own mothers.
The official Mother's Day holiday started in the 1900 when Anna Jarvis, daughter of Anne Reid Jarvis who died in 1905 created the day in a way of honouring the sacrifices mothers made for their children.
I have never met my birth mum as I was abandoned at birth due to the colour of my skin. Although I would always celebrate my adoptive mum, the beautiful woman who brought me up, I always thought about my birth mum and what she was doing on Mother's Day, if I was in her thoughts and if she was celebrating with her other children.
For me Mother's Day really hurt due to not having any contact with my 2 youngest children for the 1st 22 months I was in prison. Even though other women were having regular visits from their children my 2 children never got the chance to visit me. The older of the two did visit on a handful of times but she found it so distressing that I stopped her from coming.
Lots of women did have visits on Mother's Day, however there were only so many visitors allowed to the prison each day, so many were still refused a visit on the actual day. This was upsetting not just for the women but also for their children who would mostly have made cards and gifts to give to their mothers.
I think for most of us we felt guilty for being in prison on Mother's Day and not celebrated for the sacrifices we've made which was the original purpose of the day.
I cannot imagine how awful this day must have been through covid, mothers may have had no contact whatsoever as through lockdown there was a lot of restrictions. Limited time out of cells would have left little time for using the telephone (there is often only one phone on each wing.)
Let's hope in the future this is a conversation we won't need to have. Let's hope projects such as Hope Street which support women and children in the community will lead the way and we will stop sending women to prison unless there is absolutely no other option.
For now however, women should have access to ROTL (release on temporary licence) where possible to see their mothers or children on this special day. For women who can't have contact something should be organised via the prison such as a session where they could celebrate together or have a therapeutic mindfulness or meditation activity.
Mother's Day for me this year is possibly going to be one of the most memorable days of my life, I now have unsupervised contact with my children. Although my daughter and I were able to see each other on a Mother's Day when I had ROTL (See video link) , this year my youngest is able to join us. We will be doing something together as social services have just completed a home visit and I am hoping to bring them to my house and cook a meal together. I get emotional when I think about having the children in my home as it's been 8 years since I've had them at home with me. The thought of just having them sat on the sofa with me and having cuddles makes me instantly overwhelmed with emotion and my eyes fill up with tears.
If I had listened to social services I would never have got to this point so please if you are in a similar situation never give up. My message to women in prison this year on Mother's Day who maybe don't get to see your own children or mother would be to sit down, write them a letter, even if you never send it, and put as many memories or stories of when you were together in it. Say sorry if you need to and promise them and promise yourselves a better future.
To all mum's in prison Happy Mother's Day